Week 5: Bingo!

Week 5: January 29-February 4, 2023

This week was fun. Week 5's new experience was one "for the girls, the gays, and the theys" as they say.

Every Wednesday, from 6-8pm, San Diego's "crankiest drag queen" hosts "Bingo Gone Bonkers" at Gossip Grill in Hillcrest.

Mariam, said cranky queen, was dressed head to toe in sparkles. Her absolutely insane and iconic work uniform was a black glitter jumpsuit and rhinestone platform stilettos. Her full-beat face of makeup was almost entirely covered up by massive, bedazzled glasses that almost put Elton John's to shame. Mariam twinkled whenever she moved. It was mesmerizing.

We arrived early, a mistake, according to Mariam, because "the gays are rarely punctual." I didn't mind. It was nice to get our food and drinks orders in before our server got bogged down by the bingo rush. A variety of bingo boards were waiting on our table when our party of six arrived.

Bingo began at 6:32pm. Mariam told the bingo-ers (bingoers? bingo-goers?) we were lucky, cause she could have arrived later. "What are they going to do, host bingo without me? Ha!"

Just as I am conscious of my female presence in regular bars, I am also conscious of my cis-het presence in gay bars. I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable in spaces that are meant for them.

Gossip Grill is a women's bar and an LGBTQ+ bar. The signs at the door state something along the lines of "if you are not a woman or a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you are a guest in our space. Please remember that." I loved it.

I ordered a chicken bacon ranch and pesto sandwich. It was very good.

There were many rounds of bingo played, each one beginning with a "cheers." The bartender made sure to keep Mariam's mysteriously bright orange beer stein full.

The only person from our table who won bingo was Amanda. It was fantastic. She got to pull a prize ticket and got the "crap bucket," a bucket full of random "crap" items somebody (Mariam, probably) has accumulated over the years. I had my eye on a Spider-Man coloring book. Or the Halloween stickers. Another bingo winner chose a tiny can of cat food.

Instead of securing the coloring book for me, Amanda chose to risk it all by playing "silly charades." It was a double-or-nothing bet. If our table could guess what Amanda was acting out within 45 seconds, she won a gift card to use on our current tab.

Our group shuffled to the front of the room and took a record-setting 3 seconds (!!!) to guess "eating a hot dog at a baseball game." Major thanks to Amanda's great charade skills and the fact that my friends and I share one brain. I guess a crap bucket doubled isn't so crap because it actually meant a gift card to Gossip Grill. And the glory and pride I felt when Mariam cheered for us.

If it wasn't a work night, maybe we would've gone more "bonkers." I only got one drink. I'll admit it was called a "Blackout Lemonade." It was decent and tasted a bit like Smarties candy...though I can't even tell you what it was made of because the description on the menu literally says "Shhhh... it's a secret..."

The menus at Hillcrest restaurants never fail to make me laugh.

I could have sworn this whole thing used to be called Blackout Bingo, but I can't confirm. This was my first time playing bingo and my first time at Gossip Grill. Maybe it is just the name of the very strong lemonade I ordered.

At the end of many bingo rounds, Mariam invited us back by hinting at more gift card giveaways and (you guessed it!) free shots at the bar.

Jennifer Coolidge as Tanya McQuoid, said it best, "these gays, they're trying to murder me."

See you next week.