Week 48: New Beginnings

Week 48: November 26th-December 2nd, 2023

*originally posted on December 2nd, but I deleted this during my job search and my severance negotiations.

It is going to sound cheesy, but calling this week "New Beginnings" was the only way I could make getting laid off not sound so bad.

Yeah. For the first (and hopefully last) time in my life, I was laid off. I could go on about how it was an abrupt and incredibly unfair and invalid decision, but I would end up sounding bitter and feeling irritated. Don't get me wrong, I am bitter and irritated, but there is no point dwelling on the past. Instead, I'll just tell you all how it went and how I've been handling this big change so far.

On my first day back from the Thanksgiving holiday, I was invited to a "Quick Check In" meeting by my supervisor with no explanation. When I joined the meeting, I was surprised to see my supervisor and the head of HR.

They didn't waste any time. "We have decided to terminate your employment effective immediately..." Everything seemed to spin, and my mind was racing. I was watching this happen to myself from outside of my body.

I felt numb, and angry, and misunderstood. As a fiery young woman, I'll admit I can come across strongly, especially for the Old Boys' Club that is corporate America. This translates to fear and jealousy, and unfortunately I do not have enough power or clout as a singular young woman to fix the eons of sexism in the business world. Everything I did might not have been perfect (but it was close!) and I'll be the first to admit that I am a hard pill to swallow at times, but I'm certain if I was one of the boys, I wouldn't have been let go.

They didn't give further details, nor did I have a real chance to ask any questions. The meeting ended within minutes. I immediately closed the tabs and windows showcasing the hours of work I had already gotten done that morning and just sat there. I'd officially been laid off. And the worst part? I had wanted to quit since March but hadn't found another appealing job yet.

Later that day, I received instructions and further details in an email from HR. I'm getting one month of severance and the rest of my PTO hours. My last official day is December 6, but I won't be working there ever again. I didn't waste any time either. I packed up all my work equipment (laptop, monitor, Pluggable, cables, etc.) and followed the instructions to mail it all to company headquarters. My desk was clear by the end of the day.

I cried a lot that day, mainly due to frustration and the desire to curl up in a ball and never enter the workforce ever again. I wanted this toxic relationship with that company to end on my terms, but they beat me to it. I think I'm all cried out, and now I can laugh about it a little. I'm free now. I'm not stuck hating my work, or my coworkers, or feeling pointless. The company was a poorly managed joke, stifling the growth of their actual hard workers in the trenches. They suffered greatly from favoritism to the Old Boys' Club. I never felt welcomed or respected, especially after they let go of my first (and favorite) boss due to "budget cuts." They did not deserve me, or the work I did, and I deserved better. This is my opportunity to find better. This is a new beginning.

Now, the job search that I have casually and hopelessly been chasing since March is actually urgent and realer than ever. I'm balancing being gentle with myself with being productive. I'll try to apply for unemployment (the worst they can say is no!) and have already revamped my resume and LinkedIn profile.

Like I said, I've got to roll with the punches, and my sometimes overbearing internal drive to constantly get shit done will be a great tool for me right now. I have more to say, but a lot of it could be filed under "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" category. A handful of people at the company have reached out personally to share their shock, sadness and disappointment at the news. I wonder how they phrased the news when it was announced. Maybe something like, "We had to let Elena go because even though she was the most involved and productive worker here, she was too direct and blunt and clashed with the men here who get away with everything." Probably not. At least its on record as a lay off.

My plan now is to treat what would have been my normal work hours during the week as Official Job Search Time. I even plan to have a main character moment and spend a couple days working in a coffee shop for a change of scenery. I'll admit, despite the heaviness of the situation, I feel lighter now. Plus, the freedom to run errands in the middle of the day is incredible, and I plan to stay busy.

See you next week.